Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
