I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
