im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
