I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
