i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
