He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
