Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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