My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
zippers are such a cool invention
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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