so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
