Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
