i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
