My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
