eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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