Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
