You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
