Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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