My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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