It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Is it because I queefed?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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