ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
