Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
