Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
