In the future we'll all be gay
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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