i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
