Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I looked at my own cervix.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
