well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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