i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
