Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
