sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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