They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
