he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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