Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
