I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
