I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
