i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
