I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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