her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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