i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
