dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
