summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
