i just had sex bonerless
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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