people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
