I hate all girls vehemently.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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