why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is Oprah even human
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
