My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
