Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
