Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
