this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
