I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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