I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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