i was born a porn star she said
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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