I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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