Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
