you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Are we in a gay sports bar?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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