i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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