Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
