So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
