i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
